Archive for October, 2007

31
Oct
07

Necros. Not just for forums any more…

From the “What the…!” Dept., I bring you a dose of mind numbingly unbelievable reality. The sensitive among you may want to skip this post. Otherwise, read on:

A Teaneck hospital lab technician has been jailed after being accused of sexually abusing the corpse of a 92-year-old woman, authorities say. – [Yahoo/AP]

Erm. Where to begin. Ya know, I’ve got no problem with older ladies getting it on with younger men. And if you’re a young guy who likes older women, more power to you. But isn’t there a cut-off point? Don’t you have some set of criteria to help you determine exactly how old is “too old”? And wouldn’t death be a major eliminating factor? I mean,  you would think that rigor mortis would be a good indicator that she’s probably way too far past her peak for the relationship to work. But it could just be me.

To be honest, (no offense intended to any 90+ year old ladies who may be reading this) I have difficulties imagining getting it on with a live 92 year old woman, never mind a dead one. But this guy… well… At least you can say he ain’t picky. That’s not what I’d say. You can say it. If you want to. But I think he’s just plain nuts.

Tech accused of abusing elderly corpse – [Yahoo/AP]

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29
Oct
07

Is that carry-on or check in?

No, I am not referring to Airport security. Really, I’m not. I’m talking about a German detention center. Uh huh. Read on…:

A 19-year-old woman appears to have escaped from a juvenile detention centre in northwest Germany by hiding in the suitcase of a fellow inmate who was released, police said on Monday. – [Yahoo/AFP]

Now I might be wrong about this, but as I understand it, when a detainee is checked in, all of the belongings they have with them is cataloged, then placed in storage until they are released. Now I don’t know how detailed the logging process is, but given the Germans penchant for efficiency, I’m sure no detail gets left behind.

So it escapes me how a human being (even a 19 year old, presumably petite, female) in a suitcase managed to avoid raising any red flags is beyond me. I mean, I’m fairly certain “female, 19, petite” was not on the checklist. And even if she only weighed 100 lbs soaking wet, that’s 100 lbs of stuff that this inmate obiously did not bring to the detention center with her.

Amazing. At least they won’t make it out of the country by air. I doubt the luggage (or the contents) would tolerate the treatment of airport baggage handlers very well…

Woman escapes from German detention centre in a suitcase – [Yahoo/AFP]

26
Oct
07

Self mutilation and the art of protesting…

“Tell me, Mr. Anderson… what good is a phone call… if you’re unable to speak?”

You probably already know where that line is from. If not, i’ll tell you at the end of this post. But there is a point to it’s being here. It is the first thing that popped into my head when I read the article below. There seems to be a trend developing. The practice of sewn-mouth protests.

In a recent post, I talked about a Colombian man who had sewn his mouth shut, and donned an iron mask in protest, asking for the government to help him and his family start a business. It seems that he is not the only one who thought that sewing his mouth shut was an effective protest strategy:

Prostitutes in the Bolivian city of El Alto sewed their lips together Wednesday as part of a hunger strike to demand that the mayor reopen brothels and bars ordered closed after violent protests by residents last week.

Ah. I see. I kinda see their point. But sewing your mouth shut seems counterproductive.

“Tomorrow we will bury ourselves alive if we are not immediately heard. The mayor will have his conscience to answer to if there are any grave consequences, such as the death of my comrades,” she said, surrounded by about 10 prostitutes who had sewn their lips together with thread. – [Yahoo/Reuters]

Ok, now your just bordering on the ridiculous. You cant exactly blame anyone but yourself, if you die after deciding to bury yourself alive in protest. And more importantly, when you are dead, I’d think it would be just a tad difficult to mount any further effective protests. Don’t you think?

Now don’t get me wrong. I think these folks actually have a good reason to be protesting. I don’t see why anyones business should be closed because a group of self righteous moral zealots decided to throw a temper tantrum.

But burying yourself alive? Sewing your mouth shut? Isn’t that like cutting off your nose to spite your face? Especially if you happen to be a prostitute who’s job relies, in part, on your physical appearance? I’m no expert in the field, but it seems to me that it would be just a bit anathema to your work…

At the end of the day however this particular practice just puzzles me. I really don’t see why these folks decided to go with self mutilation as a means of protest. There have to be a gazillion different means of protesting, and they choose to sew their mouths shut…

Prostitutes sew lips together in protest – [Yahoo/Reuters]

P.S. The opening line of this post is from “The Matrix”. If you already knew, give yourself a pat on the back. Have a drink. Smoke a cigar. You deserve it.

24
Oct
07

Beer can crushing bosoms gone awry…

Today, I read an rather intriguing article:

An Australian barmaid who entertained patrons by crushing beer cans between her bare breasts and hanging spoons off her nipples has been fined, police said Wednesday.

Wait, wait, what! Why?

 Luana De Faveri, 31, was fined 1,000 dollars (900 US dollars) in the Mandurah Magistrates Court in Western Australia after pleading guilty to two breaches of the Liquor Control Act. – [Yahoo/AFP]

Eerm… Not sure what to say about this. On one hand, I don’t really have a problem with barmaids who feel the need to crush beer cans between their gazongas. Or hang spoons from them. But then again, I’m the laid back sort, and there are health codes and stuff for a reason. But then again, if they’re sanitary enough for newborn babies to drink from…

Dagnabbit… I’m soo conflicted right now…

Aussie barmaid fined for crushing cans with bare breasts – [Yahoo/AFP]

22
Oct
07

The Colombian in the Iron Mask!

Yesterday I read an interesting article about an unemployed Colombian man who resorted to a rather unusual form of governmental protest about the plight of his family:

In Colombia, an unemployed man has sewn shut his mouth and locked himself behind an iron mask to demand the government attend to his family’s desperate economic plight. – [Yahoo/AP]

Ooookkkk….

He is demanding the government provide a loan to jump-start a cottage textile business and pay health care bills for his wife and children. Without the loan, he says his family will end up living on the streets. – [Yahoo/AP]

Hmmm. There are so many things wrong with this picture. I almost don’t know where to begin. First, which would you prefer. Your children out on the street? Or barefoot. My money says a roof over their head trumps new Nikes. Having spent a lot of time barefoot as a young ‘un, I’m fairly certain the kids would agree.

And then there is his “innovative” (for lack of a better word) method of protest. How exactly is sewing his mouth shut, then covering his face with an iron mask, and then shackling himself to his neighbors bed, supposed to be an effective protest strategy? The first rule of a successful protester: THEY HAVE TO BE ABLE TO SEE YOUR PROTEST!!

Not only did he cover his facial sewing handiwork (the only innovative part of this hare-brained scheme, imho) with an iron mask (where did he get an iron mask from anyway?), so nobody can see it, he is hiding in his neighbors house, where nobody can even see him and his iron mask. Ridiculous!

And I’m not even going to go into the kind of egocentrism that spawns this kind of protest, when other people’s kids are already out on the street. I know the squeaky wheel generally gets the grease, but please! How about coming up with a plan that everyone can benefit from, instead of disfiguring your stupid mug, which your wife and kids will have to look at for the rest of your marriage, and taking up space that your neighbor could probably use (probably for much better things).

You know, I can understand this mans desire to see his family stay off the streets. I can even understand his desire to have the government help him start a business. It’s much better than asking for a handout. But come on. While sensationalist stunts are generally a good way to get attention, I tend to think there are much better ways of doing this, and they should be used for the purpose of implementing much more universal solutions.

He gets -8 intarwebs points for lack of common sense/originality, -4 for uncompromisingly poor execution, and the journalist who picked this up gets a -10 for being stupid enough to run this, instead of airing the plight of all the other Colombian kids who are already out on the street because of unemployment. Epic Phail all around.

Unemployed Colombian dons iron mask – [Yahoo/AP]

20
Oct
07

Spotted!: Hello Kitty SpecOps…

You may remember a post I did a while back about Thailands “Hello Kitty” brigade. Well apparently, Hello Kitty operatives have been around for much longer. I finally have proof that there is actually an honest to goodness Hello Kitty anti-terrorist SpecOps team in operation:

Hello Kitty Ops XM-8
[view full size]

Here we see a highly trained Hello Kitty Operator with the highly experimental XM-8 HK, the Hello Kitty Variant of the new XM-8 combat weapon system. We have no information on where or when these pictures were taken, but it is apparent that these guys are highly trained and use the latest cutting-edge weaponry.

Hello Kitty Operator Training
[view full size]

Here we see a Hello Kitty Operator training a new SpecOps recruit. I dunno if that new recruit would feel particularly comfortable if he could see the look on the instructor operators face.

I don’t know about you, but these guys give me the willies. Terrorists had best flee. In terror. Soon even a glimpse of pink out of a terrorists peripheral vision will elicit uncontrollable fear. Yep, the tables have turned…

20
Oct
07

It’s Official. It’s illegal to make money using magic.

I read an interesting article today about magician David Copperfield:

FBI agents have seized nearly $2 million in cash from a Las Vegas warehouse owned by illusionist David Copperfield, local media reports said on Thursday.  – [Yahoo/Reuters]

Interestingly, the article fails to mention exactly why they felt it would be a good idea to relieve Mr. Copperfield of his millions. Was it the fact that he saved it in a warehouse? Did he make it magically appear and didn’t pay taxes on it? Too much money for a magician?  He’s a freakin’ magician! Eh! Who knows.

Of course his lawyer says they are cooperating with investigators, but if you could walk through prison cell walls, release yourself from any handcuff, and make magically money appear,  why would you bother to resist?

FBI raids illusionist Copperfield and finds millions – [Yahoo/Reuters]




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