Archive for December, 2007


Taking a little break…

Well folks, I’ll be leaving my cave for a while, just taking a little break, a change of scenery of you will. So no posts for a while. But I will be back after the new year, hopefully  with a fresh new perspective on  life… Ok, so maybe that would be pushing it a little. But there will definitely be changes. Exactly what, I can’t say. But there will be a changing a going on…

Enjoy the holiday season and see ya at the new year! 🙂



Well I’ll be a monkeys uncle…

I’m sure the caption phrase has more meaning for evolutionists than creationists, but I recently read an interesting story that may have serious repercussions for the argument of evolution:

Never mind that TV show that asks if you’re smarter than a fifth-grader. Is your memory better than a young chimp’s? Maybe not. Japanese researchers pitted young chimps against human adults in two tests of short-term memory, and overall, the chimps won. – [Yahoo/AP]

As if that weren’t enough, researchers at Duke University made a similarly in truguing discovery:

Chimps performed about as well as college students at mental addition, U.S. researchers said on Monday in a finding that suggests non-verbal math skills are not unique to humans. – [Yahoo/Reuters]

LOL, not only are these young chips memories better than humans, they are now on par with us in arithmetic?! HA! Evolution rears its speculative head at last! Are chimps finally evolving into more intelligent creatures? Or are humans devolving? I have to admit, given some of the events of the last few centuries, I find the latter more likely…

Perhaps believing in creation isn’t such a bad idea after all. 🙂

Young chimp beats college students – [Yahoo/AP]

Chimps and college students as good at mental math – [Yahoo/Reuters]


People, Santa is NOT subject to the laws of physics.

I recently read a rather cold and scientific review regarding the physics involved with Santas yearly trek of benevolence around the world:

Between Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, Santa Claus’s route around the planet includes stops at 2.5 billion homes, assuming that children of all religions receive a present from the jolly man in the red suit, Anders Larsson of the engineering consultancy Sweco told AFP.

“He has 34 microseconds at each stop” to slide down the chimney, drop off the presents, nibble on his cookies and milk and hop back on his sleigh, Larsson said. – [Yahoo/AFP]

Which makes the feat all the more amazing, bless his big jolly red heart!! Then you read things like this:

Another report circulating on the Internet suggested however that Santa’s sleigh, weighed down with presents and travelling at supersonic speed, would encounter such massive air resistance that the entire contraption would burst into flames and be vaporised within 4.26 thousandths of a second. – [Yahoo/AFP]

Wait, whut!? Blasphemy! Santa does NOT get incinerated by the speed of his own present laden sleigh!! If he gets incinerated, how exactly does he deliver all of his presents? Hmm? How about answering that question with your precious kangaroo “Science”, ya grinch-like, little weirdo eggheads!?

The answer is simple. But these so called “scientists” are too blinded by their “scientific research” to see the truth. But luckily for you, I know how it all works, and I’ll let you in on it. Santa is not affected by aerodynamic resistance. He uses a combination of wormholes and time dilation technology, to effect his yearly philanthropic pilgrimage. There, you blasted heathens. Put that in your research pipe and smoke it…


Santa Claus is coming to town — for 34 microseconds – [Yahoo/AFP]


Mountain Lions need Christmas too…

A while back I read a sad story about a lonely Mountain Lion:

 A relaxing soak in a hot tub came to an abrupt end when Marlene Todd came eye to eye with a mountain lion in her backyard.

See, Mountain Lions are loners mostly. I’ve known a few mountain lion types. Not the social type, but fairly cool cats. But every now and then they like a little companionship. I’m sure that’s all it wanted. And it came to this lady’s hot tub looking for a little friendship, maybe a quick soak in the warm tub.

 “It just took a leap. It jumped on the side of the hot tub,” Todd said of the Thursday morning encounter. “We locked eyes, and it kicked off of the hot tub and ran away. When it jumped, it flipped my robe into the hot tub.” – [Yahoo/AP]

You see what happened here? This heartless woman gave that poor Mountain Lion the evil eye. Scared it half to death. I guess not entirely, because it still kicked the ladies robe into the tub out of spite, but still, why everyone gotta be so hostile to Mountain Lions? They like Christmas hot tubbing too!

Humans are such selfish creatures. I’m sure if the situation would have been reversed,
the Mountain Lion would totally have invited the lady into the hot tub. No questions asked. We could learn a lot from Mountain Lions. People, if a Mountain Lion comes to your home, please leave the shotgun or rifle in the gun cabinet. Nobody likes being shot at, especially Mountain Lions.

How about we all try a different approach. Invite it in. Offer it some ham, maybe some turkey. Ask it to join you in a game of Twister. I think you’ll all be surprised how friendly a Mountain Lion can be…

Cougar nearly joins SD woman in hot tub – [Yahoo/AP]


Pssst… Wanna buy a town?

Another post from the “I have so much money I don’t know what to do with it.” department:

Someone in Italy placed the winning bid of $3.8 million on Friday for an unpopulated, one-house Texas town auctioned online. – [Yahoo/AP]

Now I dunno ’bout you, but I don’t really know what I’d do with my own town. Actually, now that I think about it, it would make for a great party locale. Maybe throw a big, week long, town wide party… In fact I could name the town Party Central. Make it a full time party town. All party, all the time, 27/7/365… Hmmm. I can see it already…

Need to work on that spare 4million seed money first… Any donations would be welcome. They’ll get you free admission when I finally buy the place… Maybe…

Unpopulated, 1-house Texas town ‘sold’ – [Yahoo/AP]


Burglary should not be this hard.

Today I bring you a story about a burglar. A burglar with a great plan. But abysmally poor execution:

A burglar who tunneled under a wall to access a Coquille tire shop did not have a good exit plan. The burglar was unable to remove anything because the tires were too large to fit through the mouth of the hole. – [Yahoo/AP]

Now come on. This plan is near perfect. With a tunnel, you can get in and out of the store without having to worry about ever being seen by a passers-by in the middle of the night. You are pretty much able to do whatever you want. Seriously. Great plan. Except for one thing. The freakin’ tunnel has to be large enough to take whatever it is you are trying to steal.

It’s a really simple concept. What is the deal with the shoddy, half baked criminal plans of late? If I were going to go through all the trouble of digging a tunnel to get access to some target store, I would darn well make sure that I had a means of taking as many valuables out of there as possible. Apparently, that wasn’t forefront on this burglars mind.

People today. Seriously…

Tunnel tire burglar fails to plan exit – [Yahoo/AP]


Santa fired on account of his hos…

Apparently Santas Jolly Ho, ho, ho, could be perceived as an insult by the Australian populace. A Santa has therefore been fired for uttering Saint Nick’s classic  greeting:

In the latest incident, the Cairns Post newspaper said 70-year-old John Oakes was fired on Monday for saying “ho ho ho” and for singing the Christmas song Jingle Bells.

Westaff spokesman Bert Jansz told the paper Oakes had been dismissed because of his attitude, and not for his ho ho ho-ing. – [Yahoo/Reuters]

Riiiiiiiight… I know exactly what got him fired. He got canned for letting his employers know they were being uptight, anal retentive, politically whipped wusses. Seriously, if any one of you out there can realistically take the greeting “Ho, Ho, Ho” from a Santa as an insult, then you really need to find a bad habit. Maybe drink more, or smoke some pot or something. ‘Cause you really need to loosen up some.

Laughing Santa gets the old heave ho ho ho – [Yahoo/Reuters]

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December 2007
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