08
Dec
07

Teen MySpace Suicide. Preventable, but not the way you think…

An article today talked about a teen who committed suicide after a rather cruel Myspace prank:

The parents of Megan Meier of Dardenne Prairie, who hanged herself last year, said her suicide came minutes after she received mean messages through the social networking site MySpace. – [Yahoo/AP]

Now that is very tragic. Teen suicides are probably the saddest thing that can happen, and probably the most devastating thing that can occur to a parent.

A police report said that a mother from the neighborhood and her 18-year-old employee fabricated a profile for a teenage boy online who pretended to be interested in Megan before he began bullying her. – [Yahoo/AP]

OK now this is just plain mean and senseless. Some people really need to get a life. That 18 year old seriously needs a date or something…

After the case became public, Missouri Gov. Matt Blunt asked lawmakers to review state law to see if changes were necessary to better deal with cases that involve Internet bullying. Some municipalities have also considered or passed statutes to strengthen laws that deal with Internet harassement. – [Yahoo/AP]

Ah, of course. The obligatory knee-jerk, parent activist motivated legislative law passing that is bound to bite us in the rear at some point in the future…

What is truly sad about this incident, isn’t that internet laws aren’t tough enough, bullying laws aren’t tough enough or even, as an extreme example of the futility of this kind of lawmaking, that suicide laws aren’t tough enough. The truly sad thing was that the teen wasn’t tough enough.

Here is the thing. I have known kids who were beaten down and abused daily by their parents, who did not kill themselves. I’ve seen kids grow up in environments that would mentally cripple an adult. But they actually became tougher, stronger and more resilient.

When I was growing up, many of my friends and I were subjected to actual physical bullying. Not stupid disparaging emails. Actually, we didn’t have email. I would have preferred to be bullied by email. But the thing is, none of us contemplated suicide, only survival. None of them have committed suicide. Not one.

My point is this. The internet bullying isn’t the big problem. It’s the way kids today are raised. The ones that commit suicide tend to have considered it long before they ever do, and need special treatment. Or even better yet, to have been raised differently.

If it isn’t internet bullying, it will be failing a test, buckling under peer pressure, failing to achieve a goal later in life, who knows. No law will prevent that mindset. But good parenting, and where necessary, the right treatments, can. So let’s quit making stupid knee-jerk laws, and focus on how to treat suicide prone teens, indeed how to properly raise our kids so they don’t become suicide prone teens.

Seriously, if all it takes for your teen to kill themselves are mean emails from someone they really don’t even know, don’t you think there must be something else terribly wrong?

No charges in MySpace suicide case – [Yahoo/AP]

Advertisements

20 Responses to “Teen MySpace Suicide. Preventable, but not the way you think…”


  1. 1 sexualtrex
    December 8, 2007 at 9:56 am

    If you kill yourself over Internet bullying, too bad for you. That’s just stupid.

  2. December 9, 2007 at 2:03 am

    Seriously. I can see if she got raped online or something, but just for someone sending her mean MySpace messages? Clearly she had other problems…

  3. 3 imredhot
    May 4, 2008 at 11:52 am

    Get a clue. The title OBJECTIVE SUBJECTIVISM gives one the impression that those visiting understand the premise.

    Those who suicde have an obvious disconnect between what’s eating them and what thye think about it. HellOooooo….Oh, yeah, nobody’s home.

    i’m incensed by your lack of sympathy or empathy toward those who contemplate or complete suicide. It’s the attitude stupid that gives this mindset wheels and pushes these frail beings over the edge. Condescending remarks and belittling do nothing other than to highlight your insensitivity and disragard for human life and the suffering that often comes with it.

    I am glad that you are untouched by suicide or thoughts of it. That’s a great place to be, really. What one sees as success is another’s failure and it is the perspective of the beholder that matters – no matter how far off they seem and how dead they become from that thought. Do you think suicide is some silly game played by the weak? Who wins? Please apply some objective subjectivism to your regimen and define what you really think instead of copping to some scripted message and spoon fed social attitude,

  4. May 4, 2008 at 5:14 pm

    I’m, sorry, redhot, but If all you took away from my post is that I am thoughtlessly regurgitating some social, “I don’t care” rhetoric about those who contemplate suicide, then you have missed my point entirely.

    Do you really think that stronger laws will help? If so, read no further, and go elsewhere, because the rest of this comment may only inflame you further. But imho, there are so many problems with this way of thinking, I don’t really know where to begin.

    The laws are nonsense. Nobody thinks about the laws when they are harassing another online. And like it or not, nobody can protect their kids from bullies, either online, or offline, forever. The same applies to having a bad day, getting blackmailed by your boss, or getting mugged on your way home from work. We live in a world filled with a lot of bad people. What really defines who survives and who cracks? The laws?

    No. It’s the victims attitude. Even a person who grows up in a nice friendly, “leave your front door open when you go to bed at night” neighborhood can be taught that life is not always fair, and it is the ones who learn this, and also to dust themselves off and get back on the horse, who will succeed when subjected to negative circumstance.

    Instead, under the guise of parenting, we mollycoddle, shield and protect our kids so much, that they think that their life is over, or they go nuts, if they experience something bad that they have not control over. I hear the “Fragile psyche” argument, and all I hear is “My child is so sensitive, please don’t say or do anything to hurt him/her.” Even if you can get everyone to comply, what happens when something bad happens that nobody has control over? Then what?

    I can understand you want your children to grow up in a nurturing environment, but what do you do when he/she stubs their toe on a rock? If you tell them it was a “bad rock”, and you are going to come back and hit it with a hammer for them after you’ve kissed their toe and made it all better, I’m sorry, but you are failing parenthood. And yet this is what parents do all the time. What lesson are we teaching our kids and future parents when parents adopt this attitude?

    That your child can do no wrong. That everything bad that happens is a result of something bad that someone else did. That if you can control it you can force it to be good. LIES! Where do they learn that maybe the should be more careful? Or maybe bad things happen for no reason? And later in life, these kids walk around wondering: “Why do bad things happen to me?”, “What did I do?”, “How can I end it?”.

    It’s life. You can’t end it. Unless you end your life. And from their perspective, It’s a perfectly logical conclusion. They don’t think about anyone else, or the victims they leave behind, because nobody every taught them differently. Now I ask you. Whose fault is that? The rock? The hard place? Bullies? Life? The internet? Guns? Movies and video games? Mean people? No. These kids did not learn this because too many in our society are blind to the fact that overprotection is not love.

    Parents make the mistake daily of letting their emotions get the better of them when raising their kids. Everyone will recognize the one extreme of the angry parent who comes home and takes it out on their kids. But fewer people recognize that other, where the child is so sheltered and shielded with “love” that they cannot psychologically take care of themselves once exposed to the outside world. Why do parents do this? Sometimes because they are selfish. Sometimes because they don’t know any better themselves. But ultimately it is bad for the kids.

    I’m not saying don’t show them love. Please do comfort them when something goes wrong, but please, also teach them that life is not as always as simple as cause and reaction. Teach them that sometimes things will go bad for no reason. Teach them that sometimes if they are more careful they can avoided stubbing their toe on a rock. But also teach them that there are no guarantees. It’s a mixed bag. The world has bad things and people in it, but it is neither all bad nor all good. They have to decide how much of each they want to take and risk accordingly.

    Teach them that life is not about everything going swell. It is what it is. But what each of us contribute makes a difference in what the world becomes. Ending your life does not solve the problem. It only makes it worse. Because every embittered, sad, angry, and pained person who gets left behind by a suicide often tend to make things worse. Misery, unfortunately loves company, and in that state, people often cannot tell the difference between protecting themselves, and trying to control everything else in a futile attempt to ease thier own pain.

    But on the flip side, every good person who survives a trial is one stronger person that can help make the world a better place for everyone…

  5. 5 imredhot
    May 6, 2008 at 8:25 am

    I come from the standpoint of a mother who lost her son to suicide. He was not coddled and protected from the evils or rules of this world. He suffered the ramifications of his childhood pranks and mistakes…often with societal overkill. Life is not fair but kids should be allowed to be kids. The coping skills of adolescents are immature as are their actions. The latter is always chalked up to age and the former only gains them a list of labels. Was he weak? Maybe. I cannot know all that he endured or what was a figment in his mind. I only know this world was far too much for him to take, his reasons died with him.

    My problem lies in the flip remarks and blanket statements made toward the victims and survivors of suicide. Is the thought of killing yourself “silly” to most? Of course. Does it seem foriegn to most of us? Absolutely! I just find it so difficult to swallow the idea that a society that doesn’t want suicide doesn’t do more to keep from becoming part of the process. Do you think Megan would have agreed that her thoughts were silly or uncalled for? I doubt that, I would imagine that a remark like that would only devalue her more (in her mind). Since it’s her reality that is at issue shouldn’t there be some compassion for her? In the end it only mattered what she thought her life was worth, she had already calculated her worth to others and came up short – for whatever reason. You don’t really think the myspace “gag” was a character building exercise for her benefit do you? The intent was evil and that’s what I take issue with. With what intent do you qualify being raped a plausible excuse for suicide? If I say my son was sexually assaulted does that change what happened? Nope. If I say it happened 10 years before he died will you change you thoughts? Probably, but not in his favor is my guess. Does it give some idea of the problems he faced? Maybe for some who have been there. What makes any reason for suicide OK? Every suicide leaves destruction and questions the intent of the victim. Why does the victim always bear blame and riducule? None of us live in a vaccuum, immune to our environment. Our experiences make us who we are. Certainly Megan deserves the understanding that her experience was just that, hers. None of us can assume that given her life we would conclude it any differently.

    As for your question about the law…well that’s what got suicide it’s ugly reputation in the first place. Long ago a death like this was sent before a tribunal who decided if it was a “death by misadventure” or a criminal act. A finding that it was misadventure was accepted as ok and no ills came to the family or heirs of the deseased. However great suffering came to those left behind by a “criminal act”, loss of property, shinnung and other punishments made life very difficult. Since when does the victim pay for the criminals act? So why am I surprised that society won’t discuss suicide in a light any different than it has historically? Well I guess I thought we were more intelligent and civilized than in the days where witches were burned at the stake. You and I are both victims of our environments – carefully taught the attitudes and beliefs of those before us, intentionally or not. I am not condoning suicide, I never did and certainly don’t now, but I do understand that external influences are at work in all of us and some are incapable of the decision making you and I have been afforded and choose to stick it out.

    “But on the flip side, every good person who survives a trial is one stronger person that can help make the world a better place for everyone…” Welcome to a better place…I have survived.

  6. May 8, 2008 at 10:52 pm

    Redhot, thank you for your openness.

    I can understand your chagrin at those who make what you consider blanket statements and flip remarks about suicide. The thing is, while you and I know suicide makes no sense, why do they still occur? I believe that we could reduce the number of suicides if we actually approached it from the perspective of how we raise our kids, rather than trying to control every environmental factor, as ultimately, it is that which will determine how a kid responds to adversity.

    Yes, there are different kinds, some are more sensitive than others, but your average person walking down the street can not tell the difference, and if they’ve had a bad day, they might inadvertently say something that might trigger thoughts of suicide. We simply cannot control all of the external variables. However, in many cases we can mitigate the internal effects on the child in question.

    As you pointed out, we are all subjects of our environment, and yet most of us, when faced with adversity, seem to be more capable of making the decision to stick it out than others. There is often, as you suggested, a disconnect from that societal reality in the mind of the person who contemplates suicide. I think that parents could help reduce or even eliminate this disconnect, but the problem is that every time the topic is broached from that perspective, the parent takes it as a personal attack on their parenting and becomes defensive.

    The net result is that, in spite of it being recognized that there is no such thing as a “perfect” parent, few parents are even willing to perform the self examination necessary to determine if they could be contributing to the problem. Few have even educated themselves on the signs of depression because they beleive they “know” their child. But they never see it coming.

    However they will go out of their way, to crusade against anything and everything that might appear to have been a contributing factor to a teen suicide, except themselves….

    I am not suggesting that the parents of kids who commit suicide have committed some parenting error, but rather that they are the biggest influence on their kids (or at least should be) and they are the front line. They need to educate themselves. Learn what causes it, the signs, engage in behaviors that will help their teens learn how to be open with them about or how to internally adjust to adversity, and yes, in some cases, even need to improve their parenting skills. But if nobody talks about it, nobody will think about it, and the trend will continue.

    There are many studies that show that the parents of kids who committed suicide were unaware of or did not notice the symptoms of depression and the signs leading up to the suicide. And yet many parents continue to adamantly rebut any attempt to bring attention to this disparity because they feel that they are personally being attacked.

    The truth of the matter is that none of us could really accuse a parent of knowingly harming their children. But it’s not the knowing that is the difficult part, but what the parent does not know and refuses to educate themselves about that causes problems.

    I had considered not replying to your comment, because I really did not want to inadvertently offend anyone any further, but after thinking about it, I realized that if I did that I would only be aggravating the problem, and if even one person reads this exchange and it makes a difference, it is worth it.

    So please take what I am saying not as a blanket statement about those who commit suicide and the culture and parents who raise them, but rather as an attempt to see if I can get even one parent to think about and actively engage in things that might prevent a suicide…

  7. 7 imredhot
    May 9, 2008 at 5:22 pm

    I absolutely agree! Open dialog is the start and must continue. Mental illness, suicide and the blame game are all conversation enders. Why? We each want all of that to go away.

    I hope your message does coax anyone reading to think bigger and include themselves in the equation to prevent further loss of life – whether that because of a suicide or the loss of life’s quality for those who do have a hard time making it in this world.

    I have to say there is so much education that needs to be done and unlike you I don’t believe the idea is lost on parents of suicides. Most of the survivors I know have been caught in a revolving door of diagnosis and very little help parenting a child with problems. Doctors are reluctant to discuss the reasons behind a diagnosis or it’s treatment, their egos won’t allow that. Top that with schools that do not want to spend federally mandated funds to accomidate these kids. Often, as was our case, the child is burdened with goals they don’t understand or cannot reach without the help of others in positions to really make a difference and help teach coping skills. A double standard between “good” and “bad” kids exponentially increases that problem. School officials who bully by placing labels on a child and speaking badly of them in thier presence disgusts me. Childhood behaviors that are construed as criminal because of catch-all zero tolerance policies land a kid in court,forever tethered to an inescapable system of punishement without any “rehabilitation” or life skills training that are apparently at issue. Even when my son applied conflict avoidance he got in trouble when he should have been applauded for his success and understanding of how and when to employ the tactics. Those who are politically immature, as many kids are, cannot get a fair shake.

    As a parent I was overcome by a system that would not let me influence my child according to my beliefs or preferences and I was forced to bow to authority. My title of Mother lacks a PhD or any other notation that would allow my opinion to count. My 17 years of motherhood should have trumped them all and I was asked to be seen and not heard. I kenw him better than anyone and my ideas and thoughts were ingored. My son was treated as disposable and now that they got what they expected he is to blame. Belittle someone and that’s waht you get – little. Make them feel small and they may decide to disappear to just get it over with. I could barely stand what he endured and am frankly relieved it is over for him.

    Don’t get me wrong – I am the parent and I agree I should have had the biggest influence in my child’s life. That’s a nice idea, but kids do not look to their parents for the approval that can be life saving. It’s their peers and those who have the power to make or break them that matter in their minds – teachers, bosses, court officials and the like are a huge influence that is not always a good. If a teacher or judge never catches a kid being good does that remove the “bad” label? Once the label is attached and minds made up many fall short of what they should do to pick up the ego of a person who needs it and peel that label with their words or deeds – it’s their label after all. Kids with problems are often stepped over like so much rubbish with no thought given to the importance of their behavior toward these kids. It’s been my experience that kids are treated as non-citizens and less than human. I entrusted my child to school employees for more hours of the day than I got and I get the blame for having a “bad” kid? I advocated for my child when no one else cared if he succeeded and federal law was broken. I could have given up as my son eventually did. I set the best example for him to keep trying for what you want and for what is right. Sadly the little corner of Ohio where we live has a different set of rules and we are losing 1-3 teens a year in our little town of 10,000 people. Do you think that’s coincidence?

    Over the years we fulfilled every request made by schools, teachers and judges. Counselors and doctors treating his mental illness had their own ideas and often medical officials were at odds with the school or at the very least how to proceed was either ignored or fell far short of a successful plan. My son often was punished for those shortcomings and was left feeling even worse than when it all began. The better liar wins and the other pays the price, Scott could just never stoop so low as those who sat across from him in the principals office. Whoever can pass the hot potatoe before anyone knows he touched it is even better off. In the end the common factor is the child and so he is singled out as the problem in a world full of them.

    I’m not perfect and I sound like a woman who cannot let go. Please save your breath on that. Of course I am devastated that people making decisions that hurt my child (and me) forgot about him at the end of their busy days and I was working 24/7 to help acclimate him to a world that didn’t want him. He didn’t mean anything to those who made such a big difference in his life and he meant everything to me. That’s what should not be forgotten…even the most silly ideas and dumb actions do not make a person’s life value any less – they mean the world to someone. And no single act should define the life of anyone. I bet Megan’s parents would agree.

    I do thank you for you response and your thought out words, they are not lsot on me. Even I have a lot to learn about how this world works. Every shred of information helps me do what I need to in order to change myself and this world for the better.

  8. May 16, 2008 at 10:41 pm

    … homeschool…parental supervision of various friends… sacrificing for your child’s betterment… no parent is perfect, just as no child is either. We cannot expect the ‘school system’ or daycares, etc. to raise our children. Perhaps finding a solution rather than searching for someone or something to blame would be a phenomenal step in the proper direction, otherwise we could continue attempting to self-righteously place blame anywhere but on the source… there are plenty of people to go through… just saying.

  9. 9 imredhot
    May 17, 2008 at 4:38 pm

    Well, Mrs. Drew was indicted…hmmmmm.

  10. May 19, 2008 at 8:17 am

    yes… she was, under a FEDERAL law concerning fraud cases across state lines. This case will set a precedence for future cases (most likely non-related) that will be able to further abuse statutes created for various reasons. It still has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that the child committed suicide. Look to yourself for the better share of blame as opposed to ‘making someone suffer for your loss’ it still won’t bring back any deceased children/adults, and it only serves to destroy an already shaky foundation of the US court systems. I wonder just how much those parents would like to be ‘indicted’ for verbal child abuse under false pretenses as well? hmmmm???

  11. May 20, 2008 at 12:03 am

    @Redhot,
    Nobody expects you to be perfect, nor would we expect you to to be able to “let go” just like that. It’s not like kids are things that you can just forget about at will, so despite the fact that it may be an unhealthy place to be, I cannot harangue anyone about it. Everyone deals with things like this in their own way.

    Sadly, however, some things are what they are. I think that our system is severely broken, and we are living in a seriously flawed culture, which, by it’s very nature trains us to shift the blame for things upon everything but ourselves. So, as Enduring pointed out, we cannot rely on the system to ensure the mental health of our children.

    It is by no means a simple issue. There are many factors involved. Most parents have to work so much harder to raise a kid today than they had to even a decade ago. And we live in such a consumer oriented society that parents do not realize how much frivolous spending they engage in, or how much waste they perpetuate. Or that they train their kids to perpetuate. The end result is that a lot of people work twice as hard and twice as long, to generate an income that is often unnecessarily high. But the killer is that all of this comes at the expense of actually *raising* their kids. Providing is *NOT* raising. But many parents seem unable to discern the difference.

    Then you have parents who do not seem to understand how much *discipline* (both self and parental) is required to raise kids. Or even what real parental discipline as all about. They constantly lobby for laws (like the ones above) that only make it harder for responsible parents to parent. It’s a very difficult landscape in which to raise a emotionally stable child, much less a sensitive one. However that is the burden of the parent. At the end of the day, they have to make the sacrifices, they have to make the tough decisions, they have to make it all work in the interest of their kids welfare, not the government, not the schools, not the system, but the parents themselves.

    It would be nice to be able to do so, but it is no longer practical or beneficial to our kids for parents to maintain an attitude that anyone else but themselves can help them raise healthy kids…

  12. 12 imredhot
    May 26, 2008 at 10:06 am

    Ok, I will stop blaming everyone for putting me in a position that did not allow me to parent my child in his best interest. The law tied my hands and it was their rules that applied, regardles of my wishes and position. I will stop being angry at a court system that treated him as a criminal when it was obvious he was mentally ill and needed hospital care rather than a jail that only serves to teach real criminal behavior and further press down the already trodden outlook of a sick teen. I absolve his doctors for medicating with drugs that an addict should never be given NO MATTER WHAT and breaking the oath they take to “do no harm”. I won’t pursue litigation with a school system that broke federal law that mandates specific instruction of a child with a disability. Everyone else that failed my son gets a pass. There, now it’s all ok, right?

    I wouldn’t have a leg to stand on if I were a parent absent of any discipline and concern. I made mistakes, we all do. This is not blame passing – this is blame recognition. I did everything that was expected of me and then some. I followed rules and kept my mouth shut because I was trained to bow to authority – even when I disagree. When my disagreement was met with inaction or a threat of sanctions I folded. That’s where my guilt lies.

    I’ll lend you my shoes if it helps you grasp the truth, though I doubt it would help. Don’t fault me for seeing the truth. It was there before my son died and the writing was on the wall. Now everyone here can see it, and all the spray paint in the world can’t cover the stain. I am unapologetic and just want things to be called what they are. If a kid is sick and a symptom of the illness causes a problem let’s treat the symptom not the result. Even someone who kills has intent taken into account. What was the intent behind my son’s “badness”? I think examination of that would clarify a lot but people have to be willing to apply some subjective objectivism to find the answer. I didn’t ask for the court, the school, doctor’s or anyone else to run my parenting – it was forced on me in the form of help – I complied like a good girl…I raised the healthiest child I was allowed gievn those particular circumstances. I guess jail time looks pretty good to me now…

  13. May 26, 2008 at 1:22 pm

    Hey Red,

    I do not think anyone can fault you for seeing the truth. Nor do I (and I’d hope, anyone else) desire to see any apologetics. But the truth is always obscured. What we think we see is not always what something is. My intent is the same as yours. To make people see things for what they are. I do not know all the specifics of your scenario, and cannot say whether I would have done anything differently than you. I am, by nature, antisocial and, to a degree, non-conformist, so chances are I might have been less inclined to adhere to the letter of the law, and more inclined to resist authority, were I in your situation. But that is neither here nor there.

    Either way, I also believe the system to be broken. The law is not always right. In fact, I believe that it is, horribly, horribly wrong on many points, especially when it comes to children and child raising. But unfortunately, I also believe that it is parents who looked to lay blame, much like you, that have made it so. Please do not take this as a personal attack; from where I’m sitting, it sounds like you were a victim of other parents wanton law making, as opposed to being part of the problem.

    Clearly, there were many existing laws broken in your case, and also one of my own pet peeves; the needless medication of a troubled child. Sometimes it is helpful. But too often it is little better than a large band-aid used to cover a large, festering wound. I look at kids from other cultures, and see how their kids have learned to overcome, though strict parenting alone, many of the things we call innate psychological or emotional “problems”.

    And when I look at our culture, the only conclusion I can come to is that, as a country, we have lost our parenting skills to our permissive nature. We are so gull darned hung up on our independence, our individual rights, personal “freedoms” and our ability to do whatever we darn well please, we have forgotten that this ideal cannot be applied wholesale to child rearing, and is actually anathema to bringing up disciplined, well raised children. Children need structure. Not freedom. They should be allowed to develop their own characters and be their own person, yes, but there is a BIG difference between that and letting them do whatever they want.

    My point is, too many parents immediate reactions to a negative experience is to lay blame and push laws. Unfortunately I think too many of the laws that get pushed are based on a poor understanding of the fundamentals of child raising, and are naive, inflexible, unrealistic as a result. They need to be changed, but sadly, no parent wants confront the reality that they may be to blame for their childrens poor behavior, and to even suggest it raises their hackles. So much more so if they have a law to back them up.

    As I said, I am not attacking you or the decisions you made. It sounds like you were indeed a victim of our culture, your training/upbringing and laws resulting from the overzealous actions of other parents. However, what I really want is for people to realize that where we are failing is not just in making laws, having incompetent doctors, unsympathetic schools, or a broken system. We are failing collectively in our attitude towards parenting our children and child raising. This is what has created this broken system, and much like you stated, we should be treating the disease, not it’s symptoms.

    If you knew then what you know now, would you have done things differently? Many parent’s will automatically say no, simply because to say yes would be to admit that they bore some amount of blame for what happened. But the truth is, the answer isn’t as important as much as the fact that most parents just don’t know enough about what really happened to give an honest answer, even if they wanted to. Now that is the saddest part of all of this. And that is what I want to change.

    What I’d really like is to see if we can get parents to stop thinking about all the things that happened to them and their child, and focus on making personal changes of their own behavior that changes their kids life for the better…

  14. 14 imredhot
    May 26, 2008 at 3:29 pm

    Can I make a motion to consider spanking a form of parenting rather than child abuse and remove the handcuffs from parents who really are trying to raise a successful human and responsible citizen? A whack in the principals office wouldn’t hurt either. Worked for my generation…

    I do thank you for your well meaning opinion and realization that no system is perfect and no parent is either. I would absolutely do my jail time and break the “rules” knowing what I know now. I might have even killed that sick pedophile to give my son some sense of vindication from the torture he endured in his mind for so many years. Even if the outcome was the same my son would know I was advocating for him rather than to save myself. I am not a comformist, really, I guess I just believed what I was told and trusted the outcome promised. Like a lamb to the slaughter I followed though I could see the pifalls…I hate that. I can’t wish any of it away, I can only hope to pass along what I have learned in order to keep the cycle from repeating in my family or that of another and maybe even change the system to help parents rather than hurt families.

    My best advice to any parent is: follow your gut, you are the person who knows your child more intimately than anyone else – don’t discount that and don’t let anyone take that instinct or your rights as a parent and trash it. At the end of the day it matters to you what happens and you have to live with your decisions. Your child will thank you for it …. someday, if someday comes.

  15. 15 imredhot
    May 26, 2008 at 3:42 pm

    enduring

    I am on the bandwagon along with the court that charged my son with things other than what was “the crime” or even “a crime” for that matter. You don’t think Mrs. Drew is above the law or even innocent do you?

    I don’t really care if the Mrs. Drew’s charges address the suicide at this point. Mrs. Drew was wrong and should be basted with even more charges if that’s what it takes for the guilty to pay. Perhaps a crappy menacing charge leveled against Scott’s tormentor would have at least satisfied him that what happened was wrong and someone cared. Besides that, the perp would have a record, this sly fox has preyed on the young and those unable to fend him off for far too long (invalids and retarded people). It’s time for the weak to win one. I don’t feel sorry for the evil.

  16. May 27, 2008 at 5:44 pm

    @Red,
    I have no problems with spanking. Sometimes it is the most effective means of discipline, and if people would not have made a habit of taking out their frustration on their kids and calling it ‘Discipline” we wouldn’t have laws now that obscure the ability to easily legally differentiate the two.

    I wish people would realize what the difference is between spanking and abuse and actually learn what makes for good discipline. Those are examples of laws I place little stock in, because they are all based on a hopelessly flawed understanding of child rearing caused by our own societal weaknesses.

    To your comment to other parents, I would also add this: Educate yourself. Both about yourself, your own emotional failings, and that of your children. Then work to overcome them. If there is any single thing you should do to help ensure that your child grows up in a mentally healthy fashion, it should be to learn as much as you can about yourself, and how you can better yourself for the benefit of your children.

    I know this statement means little coming from a faceless blogger on the internet. But then again you aren’t gonna do anything I say for my benefit now are you?

  17. May 29, 2008 at 5:41 pm

    TOTALLY loving the responses from both you, phyre, and you, red… both of you have some excellent points that, if taken into consideration by many others, could very possibly begin to change the course of child rearing as we know it. In all honesty, red… I’m so very sorry for your situation, no matter what the circumstances… harassment of anyone at any age should not be allowed. I’m sorry that you have inner wounds that seem as if they’ll never heal, I’m sorry it seems there is no justice for your son.

    @ phyre… I SO like reading you. Although you seem as different to me as night is to day, I agree with everything you’ve said so far.

    @ red… While I cannot say I ‘know how you feel’ or completely understand you emotions, since I doubt anyone can unless they’ve endured much the same situation, I DO understand some of where you are coming from. May you find strength, courage, and peace each and every day.

  18. June 1, 2008 at 1:55 pm

    Thanks, I really do hope this is helpful to others…

  19. 19 imredhot
    July 29, 2008 at 8:26 am

    phyre and enduring

    I have been AWOL a while and the cooling down has done me good. I had missed both of your latest responses and thank you for them.

    @ phyre …I am not above doing anything that will benefit any memebr of the human race – including you p ;P In all honesty this journey has caused and forced me to be more examinate of myself and has paid off in big ways. I know you can barely tell – I am not the mean hateful person my words depict. Anonymity and written word do not lend well to my thoughts. My heart is in the right place and I believe yours is too.

    @ enduring …I cannot convey any of what I feel to anyone who has not experienced it and wouldn’t wish a single person into this spot. It is much too hellish. I do appreciate your kind words and well wishes enduring. Frankly, the thoughts and prayers of others are what I ride on much of the time and I can take all the help I can get!

    Thanks for letting me vent here a bit and for your interest.

  20. July 29, 2008 at 3:30 pm

    Hey Red,
    I’ll tell you that when I read your posts, I don’t read hate, so much as sadness, bitterness, pain and anger. And while there is no way for me to feel the way you feel, I do understand where the emotions come from. I’m glad that you have grown from this, though I really do wish you didn’t have to go through what you did in order for that to happen.

    And I thank you for your thoughts and perspective on things. I can only speak from my experience, and I’ve learned a lot about how we have gotten to where we are from your experience. I hope that others will learn from it also. And hopefully we have also been of some help to you in some small way…

    I wish you all the best…


Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s


Feed Your Inner Objectivist

Add to My AOL
December 2007
M T W T F S S
« Nov   Jan »
 12
3456789
10111213141516
17181920212223
24252627282930
31  

%d bloggers like this: